


HOW 2 DO DA HOT PHONE SMEX WITH 5 PEOPLES

by SpunkySpaceCat



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Crack, Fluff and Crack, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-12-26 21:41:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12067503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpunkySpaceCat/pseuds/SpunkySpaceCat
Summary: It's 1 AM I have so much homework and I couldn't give two shits





	HOW 2 DO DA HOT PHONE SMEX WITH 5 PEOPLES

**Author's Note:**

> Fuck what is this

So one day America was like 

"HEY YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE REALLY COOL?!?!?!"

And England and France and Canadia were like

"what the fuck do you want"

America said

"We should totally like prank call that Commie bastard AKA Russia!" 

England and France nodded and agreed. Canadia was reluctant. America slapped his ass and he agreed. 

America speed dialed the Commie's number. It rang 5 times.

America threw his phone at the wall.

England gave America his phone since America's was now broken beyond repair.

America looked at England's contact name for Russia

"Ohmygodhe'sscaryandhisdickissobigdon'tanswerorcallhimpls"

England threw his phone at the wall. It broke too.

France didn't want to give up his phone, so when America asked him he threw it at the wall too. It didn't break and all the Russia x America smut photos filed out. 

France wanted to die.

England eyed the photos carefully. He discreetly picked up France's phone and pocketed it. He knew a good technician that was good with phones.

Everyone turned to Canada. The Canadian sighed and handed his phone over. 

America speed dialed the number that said "the guy that sits on me"

Russia picked up on the 4th ring.

"Canada? What do you need?" Russia asked. 

America stifled a laugh and looked towards England to tell him what to do.

England shrugged.

America looked at France.

France moaned.

America thought that was a good idea.

America started humping the air and moaning like a pig. He screamed things like "OH MY DEAR BROTHER MATTIE PLEASE FUCK MY A S S H O L E" and "FRANCE YOUR BAGUETTE IS GETTING LONGER AND CRUSTIER" 

He looked at England.

"ENGLAND YOUR ASS LOOKS LIKE A PANCAKE THAT'S BEEN SQUASHED BY A TON OF TETRIS BLOCKS"

England moped.

Russia was confused.

France joined in with America, thrusting and moaning, and making weird noises.

Canadia squeaked and tried to escape the hell, but he hit his head on the door and passed out.

America turned on the video call. 

Russia stared at his phone screen.

France had resorted to humping England, and England was chugging a bottle of gin. 

That humping soon evolved into dry thrusting into his thighs.

America was trying to make out with his brother

But Canadia was not horny.

America tried to make Canada horny.

It didn't work.

America pouted.

"ONTARIO WON'T RISE INTO THE GREAT LAKES" America bellowed. 

Canadia covered his eyes and tried to think of gross things so he wouldn't get hard.

Russia watched.

Then he hung up.

America pouted. 

The prank call had failed.

* * *

_You have been entered into a chat with: Capitalist, Chair, Horny Baguette, and Eyebrow_

The message flared up on Russia's phone screen. He tapped on the chat due to curiosity.

Capitalist: Yo look!!! The Commie decided to check the chat out!! SUp Russia

Chair: Hello, Russia...

Eyebrow: France won't stop air humping me

Horny Baguette: Oh mon ami, I am afraid you are incorrect. It is you, who are humping me.

Eyebrow: Fuck you're right

_You: America what have you done._

Capitalist: Nothing dude! I just added you to a chat. No harm done!

_You: America I swear to god I'm going to punch you_

Capitalist: BRING IT COMMIE

Horny Baguette: please, no fighting in le chatroom please.

Eyebrow: Fuck off frog. 

Chair: uh guys...

Capitalist: O hey my puzza's here!!!!!!!! I gotta go get it!! BRB

Eyebrow: Quick someone steal his phone

Chair: Guys...

Eyebrow: Canada pls.

Horny Baguette: MON DIEU ENGLAND WHAT ARE YOU SENDING ME

Eyebrow: hehehehe

_You:_ _What?_

Horny Baguette: ENGLAND NON  THIS IS NOT PROPER

Eyebrow: I'm just sending what you had saved

Chair: Oh god... Is it the... Stuff?

Eyebrow: Yup. 

Horny Baguette: YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT THAT

Eyebrow: Well I do now

Capitalist: Hey guys you wanna know what- WHAT THE FUCK

_You:..._

Capitalist: Hey Commie is your dick really that big?

_You: Da._

Capitalist: I wanna see

_You: My place, 8 tonight_

Capitalist: Done. 

Chair: Guys...

Horny Baguette: Please listen to mon cher Canada, he is trying to speak!

Chair: Thanks.. I guess

Chair: America, when you made the chat, did you add anyone else?

Capitalist: No, I don't think I did.

Chair: Look at the list.

_Members in the chat_

_Capitalist_

_Chair_

_Eyebrow_

_Horny Baguette_

_Hentai_

_Guy or girl?_

_Become my friend_

_Become my friend too_

_Potat_

_Great Ass_

_Albino_

 

_You: Oh my fucking god_

Capitalist: ...

Chair: America...

Eyebrows: You goddamn idiot

Horny Baguette: HOW TO DELETE LES MESSAGES???

Capitalist: You can't...

_You: You ignorant pig_

Russia closed his phone and shut it down. He hoped everything would be better by tomorrow. He hoped.

He suddenly remembered his date with America. 

He bought a plane ticket to America.

He hopped on the plane.

He made it there before 8.

America opened the door for him when he arrived.

 

 

 

The rest is censored out god fucking dammit 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry


End file.
